Whatever You Do, Don't
by draquilax
Summary: One-shot madness by yours truly. Takes place in At Odds AU...
1. 1 Take The Leader's Prized Weapon

**1 Take The Leader's Prized Weapon**

 **Draquilax:** Before you begin, this is a one-shot that may stand alone but I'll be giving you some points as to who Jhan Li or aka _J_ here is. She's a _legendary demon_ who's rumored to be a _guardian_ that travels to other worlds and universes such as this.

Those of you who have been following "At Odds", this one-shot comes after _CH22: Alter Ego_ where J has already become acquainted with Skywarp on a matter of being in good terms with each other.

Word of caution. Don't do whatever J is doing. She's a pro at this. *winks then approaches female readers whilst taking one of their hand onto his* My~ What a lovely lady!~ Would you care for some dinner? ~

 _Next day..._ _(Edit: 1/19/18)_

 **J:** Nani kore?! (What's this?!) How dare you update without me?! *points angrily at the lax demon*

 **Draquilax:** Relax. You're totally able to change whatever you want~

 **J:** Heck! I will! You're even placing a spoiler in that lame _kiddy_ summary of yours! Although I appreciate the warnings though mortals don't need to know that, right? *grins evilly and starts formulating a summary*

 _A minute later..._

 _Before..._

 **Summary by Draqx:** Warnings and caution to those who do not wish to get scrapped or even get a chance to be terminated by the Decepticons or probably even the Autobots. Never. Ever. Piss them off and take advantage of things like J does... You've been warned... ...One-shots from At Odds AU...

 _Supposed summary..._

 **Summary by J:** Disregard the title and voila! Troublemaker for dummies. Ways to get punished, slagged or even meet the Unmaker! You name it! One-shot madness by yours truly.

 _Final summary..._

Disregard the title and voila! Troublemaker for dummies. Ways to get punished, scrapped, slagged or even meet the Unmaker! Probably even take the brunt of retaliation from the Decepticons slash Autobots! You name it! One-shot madness by yours truly. At Odds AU...

 **J:** Hah! Done! Now move aside demon underling. *pushes Draqx aside* I have to post this pronto.

 **Draquilax:** Whatever you say, Mistress~ *slightly bows with a smirk on his face*

* * *

"Soundwave!" Megatron hollered, fuming with rage as he stomped towards his communications officer as he held his detached fusion cannon on one servo.

The aforementioned turned around to address their commander from his usual duties.

"Where are they?" The silver mech demanded in a furious tone.

Soundwave simply tilted his helm, having no idea as to who his leader was talking about or was simply justifying his notion that his leader is barking at the wrong bush as the people of Earth say.

"Don't test my patience Soundwave" Megatron growled menacingly and his third in command complied.

"Rumble, Frenzy. Eject"

Two cassette tapes ejected from the cassette rack and both transformed into their robot modes, awaiting orders.

Their leader loomed over the two and both frowned in confusion as they looked at each other.

"To the brig with both of you" Megatron gritted his denta.

"Huh? We didn't do anything" Frenzy asked in confusion, not fearing their leader's fury for he is confident of what he didn't do. Unlike Starscream…

"Yeah, Lord Megatron. We both been in Soundwave's chest compartment for a whole solar cycle" Rumble pointed out.

The silver mech then scowled at his mistake. He then turned around and commed a certain Seeker.

Meanwhile, somewhere at the air vents, a human femme-most likely to be me, snickered silently in delight as I watched the innocent mechs whom we all know are not completely impeccable at all. The twin cassettes noticed this but kept silent as to not anger their leader even more.

.

:What is it Lord Megatron?: The black and purple Seeker in jet form replied through his comm as he and his fellow trine flew over the vast ocean, heading back to base after scouting for power plants or oil refineries to plunder.

:Teleport at the bridge. Now!: The frequency crackled with static as the silver mech turned off his comm, leaving the teleporter confused with his leader's sudden demand.

"Sorry to break formation Screamer but duty calls"

"Don't call me-"

Skywarp then teleported away, cutting off his trine leader's reply.

Right when the teleporter appeared to where he was told to, was he immediately berated for something he didn't do. Other mechs find it amusing especially since it was Starscream who Megatron usually beats and yells at. They also have placed some bets.

Skywarp whom is known to be loyal and even with his prankster side, he wouldn't prey on Megatron unless he'd find somebot else to take the fall and escape punishment. This time _he_ took the blame and he was being yelled at by the so called Slag Maker.

The leader shoved the cannon at the surprised Seeker who was told to shoot himself. His loyalty made him comply but silently prayed to Primus that he'd survive such ordeal or that Starscream and Thundercracker would save the day. He had the weapon pointed at his chasis and powered it.

The human femme slowly and quietly crept back in the air vents to avoid getting found out. But luck wasn't with her this time as the metal beneath her popped, somewhat denting it from her weight. Soundwave definitely heard it before everybot else and unleashed a tentacle that opened the air vents cover and retrieved the organic who cursed.

"Slag!" I was then presented before the silver mech who swore to give pain towards his loyal Seeker whom in turn got interrupted from his fate, thankfully and then did the pissed leader seized to face their human associate or unbeknownst to me, their hostage slash pet or prisoner.

"How can I be the one? After all, I've been in my quarters this whole time" I suddenly burst out. "Err… Well, maybe except a few minutes ago" I continued to say with an innocent smile.

Megatron then had a calculating look as if imitating his second in command and pointed his detached cannon at me after taking it from the teleporter.

Mechs gasped in disbelief at the turn of events especially with the recent rumors circulating.

"You know you're not supposed to do that to your self-appointed guardian, would you?" I dared to say as if challenging the mech who would dispose of those expendable to him. "Are you seriously trying to threaten me with a dud?" I thought out loud, revealing the prank and realizing a bit too late to take back what I said.

The silver mech shot the cannon towards me and instead of an energy blast was some kind of gelatin that sputtered out. I immediately dodged away from the jelly as the colorless water-soluble content splattered on Skywarp's chasis.

Skywarp glared at me who smiled sheepishly towards him then back at the silver mech and quickly took out the real miniaturized fusion cannon out of nowhere and threw it at them as a diversion to escape.

The weapon reverted back to its original size and its owner caught it with no effort at all as he attached it on his servo. As I tried to escape, Skywarp teleported before me. I skidded to a halt only to find the two cassette brother's blocking my path.

"Come on guys. You did the same on me. Uhh… We could settle this mech to guardian… with some energon?" My eyes darted in search for escape but was outnumbered and so was defeated.

Megatron looked down on me as if in disappointment and ordered. "J. _You_ are to clean the _whole_ base"

"What?!"

.

Thus, here I am, still starting from zero and already complaining.

"Even Rumble and Frenzy don't get this _much_ punishment. They only get a _big room_ not the _whole base_! This. Is. So. Unfair!" I wailed as I held the mop close to me, both mechs mentioned where watching over her with a smile of contentment.

Even Skywarp was there to make sure I don't escape as payback for having his chasis covered with the squishy and sticky residue that won't come off even after cleaning himself in the washracks.

While cleaning, an idea crept into my mind and I gave a wide smirk as I mopped the floor with determination to get it done silently but somewhat others nearby could catch me laughing to myself. Rumble, Frenzy and Skywarp shrugged at each other after seeing this and thought as to how strange I can be; Refusing with complaints and then determined to even get the job done…

* * *

 **Draquilax:** What could J be thinking?... We'll find out on the main story "At Odds". Although I'm not so sure what chapter would it be. I'll be sure to ask J about it and give an update soon. Later lovlies~

 **11/17/17  
Posted 1/18/18  
Transformers © Hasbro**


	2. 2 Ask Swindle For Anything

**2 Ask Swindle For Anything**

Draqx: Whoa3x! What are you doing here lovelies~? Here to sell your hearts to me~? Why, I do find myself very attrac-

J: *suddenly pops out like a daisy bumping my head on Draquilax's jaw* If only you had a tongue, you would have bit it off right now. *turns to ya'll readers* Hope ya'll would love this! It's my latest and one of ma very long chap among all my stories at the moment. This was supposed to be in the main story but it seems to fit more in this book. If you aren't able to follow what's going on, better read At Odds then. This story takes place after chapter 27 of At Odds and of course when I finally got my vision back.

Draqx: Well, well, well~ Hello there~ For adding 'Whatever You Do, Don't…' to your library, you get to have a free kiss~ from me.

J: Stop harassing our dear readers you blundering idiot!*throws a "holy" book at his face* Begone demon!

Draqx: Hiss! *covers his beautiful face and left*

J: You need not to worry about him, it's just a usual book sprinkled with a little holy water on it. Ah! No! Don't leave! *quivers in anger and grits my teeth then shouts to the heavens* Draqx you idiot! You just scared them away!

* * *

"Hey Skywarp!" I called out from my perch. Well, okay. My invisible furniture as I sat floating along the hallway.

The aforementioned turned and gave me that look of annoyance for being called by a fleshy to which I got used to. What surprised me though is as to why he was being mean to me when we both already are in good terms but I brushed that aside and thought he must be in a foul mood at the moment.

"What?" The purple seeker asked me in an annoyed tone but he still remained and lent me his audio receptors to what I have to say.

"I was wondering…" I tried to make it simple in my mind as he waited not so patiently.

"If… I was wondering…" He would have mentally facepalmed at that but I just smiled sheepishly and finally poured out my thoughts.

"I was wondering if you could get me some supplies since you could teleport and no one would notice"

"Go ask Swindle instead" Just like that, he turned and continued on to where he was going.

"Come on Skywarp. What if it's for a prank? Don't you want to reap from the outcome?" His wing slightly perked at the mention of his favorite activity but surprisingly he brushed me off without any further feedback.

I simply grumbled and floated around the base in search of Swindle, whoever he is… Speaking of which, I have no idea as to how he looks like and who the bot was. Even when I have been around the Nemesis for weeks now, I don't exactly know every bot yet. Especially since some of 'em despise me and could get aggressive and let's just say the results would end with burnt or tenderized meat. Wouldn't want to end with any of those.

"Shouldn't you be with Rumble and Frenzy?" Some bot, another seeker at that interrupted my thoughts.

"Oh! Hi there Thundercracker. They're both confined in Soundwave's chest compartment until further notice. It's their punishment for pranking Starscream which kinda involved Soundwave unfortunately for them" The blue seeker nodded now knowing why the two aren't running around and making trouble or having me and Skywarp join them in their mischief which makes the trouble multiplied. ' _No wonder Skywarp is lying low for the meantime'_ Thundercracker thought.

It is likely a wise choice since nobody wanted to mess with the telepath.

"It kinda also involves when the Autobot A.I.s rebelled. The two probably have a servo to the problem along with the recent prank they did on your trine leader and Soundwave which got them a time out" Thundercracker need not to comment on that for he knows such incident is something I didn't have to know or it will simply anger their leader.

"You do know you should be supervised especially when you're out of your quarters"

"I'm not a kid you know and besides my _babysitter_ is waaay~ over there" Shielding my eyes from the lights, I look over to a pair of red optics watching intently at its prey inside an air vent at the end of the hallway.

Thundercracker followed my gaze then turned to me when I spoke.

"So there. My _mysterious stalker_ will pounce to the rescue if anything happens. Most likely I'd be taken back to my quarters" I mumbled my last statement making the flier the only one to hear me.

"By the way, what does Swindle look like?" Lowering my voice so as not to let the kitty stuck on the air vent know of my plans.

"Swindle?"

"Shh! Shh…" Cupping Thundercracker's lip plates with both my hands.

The blue seeker showed me a hologram of how Swindle looks like as I covered Ravage's view of it.

Breakdown was passing by that very corner and paranoia hit him good upon spotting a pair of optics behind the vents and stepped a few paces back in alarm. Ravage, ignoring Breakdown, glared knowing I was up to no good as the cyber cat quietly shifted and disappeared from where he prowls. The alarmed Breakdown was then more wary of his surroundings as if he was being watched. His pace quickened and left the area.

Thundercracker gave me directions as to where I'll be finding Swindle then asked me a question for curiosity's sake.

"Why would you want to-"

"No time for questions. See ya! And thanks!" I was already at the end of the hallway where Ravage previously observed when the blue seeker warned.

"Whatever you do, avoid any of his gestalt!"

I don't think I got a word of his warning although the words whatever, do and gestalt rang in my head as if my conscience was trying to repeat the sentence but failing miserably. _Oh well_. By then, I was facing a metal door which muffled the roars and raucous shouts of mechs within the room. Screams of what I believe were humans drifted into the air like music to my ears.

 _'Wait. What? There are humans in the base?'_ I thought to myself, curiosity getting the best of me.

The screams got louder upon entering the room by phasing through. The mech's pedes concealed my view from whatever activity they were having. No one noticed my entry as their focus was on the fleshies at the center of the room. Other mechs were betting as to which one of the insects expire first.

I spotted Swindle among them and flew beside him.

"Hey Swindle!" I shouted due to the cheering mechs.

"You gonna bet? Who do you think wins?" His processor focused on what was being wagered.

"Eh? Uhh… The short one" I randomly picked then shook my head.

"I'm not here to-"

"Heh! You're the only one who wagered on the weakling on winning. How much?"

"What?"

"You wagered"

"Anything I own?" I quickly said.

By then he was now entertaining another mech. I frowned and decided to wait for this madness to end before starting another conversation with him. I then contemplated to what I have agreed on moments ago.

There were two men left now, one was bigger and bulkier than the other. The thin one held a short metal rod shakily as his opponent charged at him like a predator driven to take its prey. Their actions motivated by a false promise of freedom. The bulky man pounced at the other with clawed fists and a hunger for liberation.

He was then on top of the smaller one who was sandwiched under him as the whole room suddenly went mute, awaiting the outcome of the fight.

Blood trickled from the bodies as disappointed comments floated across the room not because they both died but because there will be no winner from the major bets. Every optic was then focused on the heaps of flesh when movement was spotted.

The bulky one seemed to be getting up but then they were surprised when he was overturned revealing the metal rod stabbed on his chest and the one they thought was the weakling, survived, covered in sweat and was gulping for air while on his knees.

The survivor then shakily got up and pulled out the rod from his victim's body like that of a sword on the stone and raised it up as a sign of victory whilst stepping on the dead body. Every mech in the room stared in disbelief and began to process if the result really happened.

I for one understood the desperation and fear that pushed the victor into such lengths as to conquer what's impossible.

The mechs started to complain and spout that this even wasted and cost them a lot of energon on their bets. I have no idea what happened then to the victor as I watched a certain bot. Swindle happily collected his loots and subspaced them but frowned, remembering something. He gazed up at me since I was floating and we made eye to optic contact.

"Finally! I've been trying to-" Swindle cut me of once again as he strode towards me, all business like.

"You won the bet" Those who were within audial shot turned to us.

Others glared at me in disgust while the rest just find it interesting that I was even there, alive and without any supervision as well as even witnessing the carnage of what they know as my own kind.

"Well, I didn't expect that. There are a lot of possibilities after all. By the way, I have a favor to ask" A wide grin plastered on his faceplates as he invited me to land on his servo.

Ravage, who was then again watching me from the air vents of that very room, disappeared after Breakdown once again encountered a pair of optics that spiked his paranoia as he too left the room in haste from his insecurities.

"That's awesome of you, Swindle! Thanks!" I exclaimed with joy as I stood above the energon cubes I have won from the bet.

"Don't thank me yet" Swindle turned to leave and before the metal doors from my room shut, he mumbled.

"Cause you got a lot to thank me for"

A soft thud came from the floor and I found Ravage approaching me and looked up to where I perched.

"You finally left your hamster tube" I commented.

"Lord Megatron told you not to wander off and associate with the other mechs without supervision" Ravage ignored my comment and sternly reminded me of a stupid rule that says I couldn't take care of myself.

I rolled my eyes.

"Speaking of which, you were there" I pointed out.

Ravage was then on top of the berth, sitting.

"I wouldn't rely on Swindle that much if I were you"

"Pfft! You're just jealous that I didn't choose you. _Babysitter_ " I teased whilst lying down on my chest, elbows propped, resting my head on my hands.

Ravage growled.

"Don't say I didn't warn you"

"I won't admit nothing" I replied, now lying on my back as I stared at the usual purple ceiling.

During the week's absence of Rumble and Frenzy, I've been asking a lot of favors from Swindle which was sweet of him to obtain for me. My room filled with those items, decorating the place and bringing life to the usual dull and dark color. I thought of countless things to repay him but nothing awesome came into mind to the risks and efforts the Combaticon has to go through. We talked a lot every time he comes into my room with the _smuggled_ goods or when I go to his. In fact, I appreciate his presence and the mood he sets unlike the other aggressive mechs who want me dead or perhaps as a pet.

When Rumble and Frenzy were finally released from being _grounded_ , they were surprised with the amount of _trash_ , according to them, accumulated and filling up my room. I told them about Swindle and just by the mention of his name was their face serious and had an _'are you kidding me'_ look.

"What? What's wrong with him? He's a nice mech"

"Correction. He's an _opportunist_ " Rumble told me.

"He calls himself an _entrepreneur_ " Frenzy added.

"Then I can relate" I simply shrugged.

"You don't know what you're getting yourself into" The blue cassette told me in a rather serious and dark tone.

I laughed.

"It's not like I'm in debt… or am I?..." My smile faded as my conscience kicked in with a _Duh!_ , making me mentally facepalm.

"Okay. You're both right" I clasped my hands together with a pleading look at them both.

"You guys gotta help me clear this!"

The two cassette brothers stared at me as a response then I displayed a much more pathetic look.

"Alright. Alright. We'll accompany you to settle this. _Accompany_ " The blue twin emphasized the last word.

"We are?" Frenzy asked somewhat surprised that his twin gave in so easily.

"Oh! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Expressing my gratitude as I embraced both of them.

We entered the Combaticon's area to find their leader engrossed with his datapad probably planning some strategies. He thumbed at Swindle's quarters before I could even ask as usual due to my frequent visits.

I knocked on Swindle's door to his quarters and announced.

"It's me, J"

The doors opened welcoming us to enter as Swindle focused a smile towards me and ignoring my escorts.

"Anything else you need?"

"Uhh… right. About that" I was unconsciously rubbing my arm.

"Is there something wrong?" Swindle queried.

Frenzy nudged me to tell what I needed to say.

"Your services needed to be paid, don't they?"

"Why… Of course not"

Hearing that relieved me and I perked up but the twins didn't believe the mech as he had more to say.

"Well, except for most services and merchandise I brought to you"

I frowned, my optimism fading. I then stood straight and exhaled calmly.

"Ok then. How much do I owe you?"

Swindle unsubspaced a data pad suitable for my size and handed it to me. I didn't quite understand the numbers so I passed it on to Rumble. Frenzy leaned close to his brother to see it as well and whistled.

"You owe him a city" Rumble bleakly explained.

"What?! That's soooo expensive and unreal! Do you know how common those items you got are?" I complained.

"For you… It's a rarity" He pointed out, reminding me of my confinement into the base.

I pouted and grumbled unintelligible curses to how unjust everything is. Like having a business where I could easily pay him back but since that's on _my_ universe and dimension, I won't be able to do so.

"Capitalist…" I lastly mumbled.

Since then, I have agreed to do some services of my own to pay my debts other than paying Swindle back with the energons I've won from the bet since it wasn't enough. A service that is under betting and entertainment.

"You know what? This ain't that bad after all. At least I won't be bored much and I got myself some _fans_. I even got to know the other mechs and gained friends" I told Rumble and Frenzy as we sipped our own energons after a taxing match from Swindle's new game.

* * *

 **12/5/17**

 **Posted 4/18/18**

 **Transformers Hasbro**


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